I am currently boiling 2 dozen eggs for deviled eggs, 2 pots of red potatoes for a smoky potato salad, and baking a lemon cake.
I have also put away groceries, stocked the bar and cleaned the kitchen...but still need to fold laundry and put another load in....
Um...Evolution? Could you catch up please? I sure could use another set of hands.
thanks
a busy mom.
I am officially on vacation, but so far it does not seem relaxing at all. Keith started the work on the back fence. There has been so much rain, that he did not need to add any water to the concrete mix when he poured it into the post hole. It has rained EVERY day. Munch managed to cut the front grass in between rain drop yesterday, but the back still looks like some sort of conservation area.
My oldest friend..not that she is old, but i have known her for 35 years....and her daughter arrive this afternoon, and are staying for the week. Neicey and I have been friends since we were younger than Bug, and there is something to be said for now having our children grow up together. I wish she lived closer, but have to make due with emails and phone calls.
Munch turns 13 on Wednesday.
His party is tomorrow, as we always combine it with Canada Day. When he was little he thought that the Canada Day parade was actually for him.
And now he is a teenager.
Where does the time go?
If you need me, i'll be in the kitchen...prepping for the 30 or so people that will be here tomorrow. And then there is also the matter of a lemon birthday cake. For my teenager. AGGKKK!
Back later with intermittent daytime blogging.
As mandated, Friday is cat blogging day....this is a pic last week of Stanley...there are no pics this week since he is currently swollen with some sort of eye infection. He will not allow me near him, since i am the medicine and eye washer in the house. He just runs when he sees me....
SO here is Lord Stanley relaxing last week, after having a good brushing to rid him of the extra 10lbs he had been carrying around. I hate his summer coat...it makes him look so scrawny!
Happy Friday everyone!
i start back to work tonight, for two nights..then VACATION!
I will be off all next week, and have guests coming from out of town. Busy week, with Canada Day, Munch's THIRTEENTH???? birthday, guests and a trip to the DIA. And of course lots of blogging!
The conversation with Papa went so much better than i could have even imagined. He had an idea that something was up, although he wasn't sure what it was. We had a long talk, that i hope he remembers..and later that afternoon he was able to ask me some questions in regards to our talk, so that is a good sign.
After the sadness, it was time for laughter and some fun!
I headed off to the kids school for the last day festivities...along with the cake for Bug's class.
Wanna piece?
The kids all loved it, as did the teachers. It turned out much better than the one i did several years ago...Munch's class treat however did not fare as well. He decided to make muffins...but did not grease the pans well enough. 3 dozen muffin tops are what my kids are now eating for breakfast! So to solve that problem, we went to the corner store during his lunch hour and bought enough slurpies for the whole class.
I tell ya, i was one popular Momma this afternoon!
We went out for dinner to one of our fave local eateries and then back on the porch to watch the day end.
The fireflys were out in full force and Bug sighed as she gave up trying to count them....
'Momma, this was the best day...Summer is finally here!"
Hope they feel the same way tomorrow when i make them clean their rooms all day!
Those of you who stopped in to read something funny...you will need to head somewhere else today.
Today going to be the worst day in my life.
I said that to my mother while talking to her on the phone the other night, and she commented..but you have a WHOLE lot of years to choose from. Why this day?
Because..
Today I have to tell Papa that he is dying.
A few months ago we started down a road of tests. By accident, on a x-ray to see if he had broken any ribs during a fall, something showed up that made his doctor go HMMMM??? This called for more tests, xrays, CAT scans and ended with a biopsy two weeks ago. The biopsy has come back positive.
Cancer.
It wasn't enough that it had to take his wife, now it has come back to tear us apart again.
Papa has sat through all of the appointments, not having a clue as to why we were doing these tests. Even during the final meeting with the Dr. he "zoned" out the way he does when too many people are talking. He cannot follow fast conversations, not to mention the memory issues. He can't remember things that he was told 10 minutes ago.
My husband and his siblings and i have talked at great length as to what to do. We know that Papa is not going to want any treatment. We know that he wants to go and be with Mom. Every day he tells me how much he can't wait to be with her. And now he is getting his wish. We cannot take that away from him. He is 84, and has had two heart attacks, several strokes, suffers from vascular dementia and is currently being treated for Alzheimers and Emphasemia and is Diabetic.
His cancer, ADENOCARCINOMA is in his Lungs.
Lung Cancer.
Inoperable.
DAMN!
When the doctor told us, i got down on my knees or the first time and thanked God that he can''t remember things. I thought that at least it would make things easier. But now I am not so sure. How do you tell someone that they are dying? How do you tell someone who is not going to remember the conversation by lunch time?
Our lives here often mimic that Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day. We repeat the same things over and over again. Partially due to the fact that dementia and Alzheimer sufferers need routine. LOTS OF ROUTINE.
In the morning as i give him his meds, he asks why he is taking them. We go through each pill, each puffer and talk about what they are for. The following day we do the same thing. And the day after that. It is our routine. After the meds, we have our tea (or coffee in my case) and we talk about whatever is on his mind. And trust me, I never know where that morning conversation is going to go. But that is our routine. And it has been for almost 5 years. Even before i took over his meds, we would connect every morning. In the summer our talks take place on the front porch in the big comfy chairs, in the winter we curl up on his bed.
This morning, I have to steer the conversation in a direction I do not want to go.
Even harder, i now have to tell Bug that Papa is sick. Very sick. Dying. Since she lives with him, she knows that he has not been well. Both kids are well versed in Papa...both are able to give him meds, and Munch is well aware of what to do if something should happen on the odd time that Keith or I are not here.
Bug is 7. Papa came to live with us just before her 3rd birthday. In actuality, she does not know life without Papa here. Every night at 7pm she scampers off to his room and curls up to watch Wheel of Fortune and talk about her day...much the same way that Munch used to when he was younger. Munch now goes to Papa for stories. Stories of when Papa was young, growing up with 11 siblings in Kilmarnock Scotland. But the way Munch sees him now is different. he is older, and understands that Papa is not well. We told Munch the other night about Papa's diagnosis. My heart broke as i held him. But at the end, he straightened up and said..I already knew Mom, tell me what i am going to need to know. What can i do.
I can talk to him like an adult, and i tend to forget he is still a child.
Then there is Keith.
My husband.
The baby of the family, who lost his mother 6 years ago to Breast, Brain and Lung cancer.
He has never gotten over Mom's death.
and his siblings
who are now dealing with losing another parent.
With no other close family, it is only them.
and they are hurting.
and i don't know how to fix them.
and then there is me.
While Papa is not my Father he is something so much more.
He is my friend.
When Keith brought me home to meet his parents 18 years ago, Papa was quite the charmer...and Smart ass. But..so was I and we hit it off from the moment that we met. He and Faith took me in and acted as parents, since i was hours away from my own...i was still a university student and needed a WHOLE LOT of guidance. And he provided that..and so much more.
We share so many things. Our love of music..classical, baroque..and jazz. Sortly after moving in with us, he came across me watching Adam's Rib..and told me that just because he was living with us it didn't mean that we HAD to watch old movies....I laughed and showed him that it was on tape...along with all of the other Tracy/Hepburn or Bogart movies. I was born in the wrong era..and am ore comfortable with the stories and stars of time gone by.
Our love of antiques..our long standing joke is that i love antiques so much I had him move in with me..he is my most cherished antique.
And i am going to lose him.
And so that is why this is the worst day of my life.
i have a feeling tomorrow won't be much better either.
I have for the most part of my adult working life, worked midnights, or split shift. There was that little time last year when i was working 4:30am-11:00am but THAT shift was for the birds.
On Monday, i officially registered for my University classes.
I am now a student.
I have a time table and an exam schedule.
And a bill..which by the way it only took one minute to be posted to my account. Why is it that it took them 3 months to fix the errors on my transcript, but 60 seconds to bill me for courses that i won't take until September?
What am I thinking?
I have not been inside a classroom (as a student) in 15 years. It has been 21 years since i started University.
What if i totally screw it up?
What if i get into the classroom and i realize that money was NOT the reason that quit all those years ago.
Since i was lucky enough to only need 2 courses to complete my degree, I have chosen first year classes. Which means that 95% of the students that i will be learning with, were not even THOUGHT of when i first sat in those chairs all those years ago. So much has changed since then.
Twenty-one years ago, i was a stubborn, free spirited young woman, with no duties or obligations.
No husband, children or full time job.
No FIL who need care.
I was fresh out of high school and still in the "schooling" mind set.
Now..
I am 21 years older.
I have a home, husband and 2 children.
I have a Father in Law who is going to require more care-giving.
I have a full time job that may or may not allow me to rearrange my schedule so that I can go to school and still pay the mortgage.
I understand the ramifications of me not passing. No longer is it..well i will just take it next semester.
There is no "next time"
There is just now.
And I am scared.
But excited.
I am getting the chance to go back and finish what i started. As a parent, I cannot in good faith teach my children to persevere and finish what you start, if i am not willing to do it myself.
Three little courses.
Canadian Literature
Children's Literature
Religion and Culture
are all that stand between me and that little piece of paper that i can hang on my wall.
The 2nd most expensive piece of paper i will own (the first being of course the mortgage).
Is it worth it?
I hope so.
This is for the the guys I used to sing with in the dungeons and stairwells. Dougie, who i have posted video of before, wanted to know a while ago if i still sang. i told him i did, but not in public, since my hearing loss. I can still sing, i just can't hear myself, so i have no idea of how it sounds. But..
I did this for him. SO he could hear me.
and remember
when we were younger.
and much braver.
this is Allison Crowe's version of L. Cohen's Hallelujah.
Real post tomorrow.
Honest.
But for now, to keep you busy, you should go here!
And you can see what i did there by looking right below this line....see ya tomorrow
Ps...thanks to Super Sub-Tropical Girl for the link!
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