This woman started a letter to me thing a while back. I read it here, here, here,...hell i have read it all over the place. I decided to do one as well.
A letter to a younger me. One who is filled with decisions in 1989-91, so rather than pick "one" time to write to her about, i picked a few years and combined them together.
Lost.
That is how you feel.
You are in a relationship that is not only unhealthy physically,
but mentally too.
You are at a crossroads in your life, wondering if all of the money you have spent on school is worth it.
You are trying to look ahead, to see what things will be like in the years to come, but you can't see what lies ahead.
And that is OK.
Not the mean boyfriend stuff...THAT is NOT OK. Love is not punctuated with fists and words that hurt.
You will meet someone tomorrow night.
He will make you laugh and you know that it is something that you cannot share with HIM.
Night-man will continue to come in and visit, questioning why you seem so sad.
He slowly chips away at the wall you have built around you, to protect yourself.
LET HIM.
He is your knight in shining armour.
He will finally get you to see that love is NOT controlling.
Love is not forcing yourself onto someone else because you are bigger and stronger.
A few months later the two of you will grab a bite to eat and end up driving around for the entire night.
It will be the last night you will ever be without him.
You will not finish your degree.
While the decision might make sense at the time, trust me it will come back to haunt you.
Find a way to stay in University and finish the damn degree.
In 2007 it will be even harder to do.
You will eventually become a mother.
Now i know that you have never wanted to have children, but i cannot begin to describe how you will feel when you see your son for the first time.
It is a Good decision.
and one that you will end up making again, bringing a daughter into your life.
You will lose friends, and gain them.
In a year or two you will barely recognize yourself.
Confident and strong.
But you will lose this too.
One evening, an acquaintance will break into your apartment and assault you.
He will quickly, unknowingly throw up that brick wall that you had finally dismantled.
Once again, your Knight in shining armour will rescue you from your dungeon.
While he longs to strike out at those who have hurt you, he cannot reach them.
He once again begins the task of helping you discover that it is OK to love and trust.
There will be moments of joy, and ones of sorrow, but at every moment..even at the toughest ones...there will be love.
Now you sit in 2007.
Your Knight is still beside you.
You have two beautiful children, a beautiful home and the best of friends.
Your life is not perfect.
It is not easy.
But it is yours.
It is what you have made, with all of the choices that you have yet to make in our life.
Go ahead and make those choices.
It may not make sense right now.
But it is how you become who you are today.
And just so you know.
there are no brick walls in 2007
(unless you count the one you are building on the patio..together with your Knight)
I was just "THIS CLOSE" to balling my eyes out while reading your letter. Yup, I got the famous Wilson goosebumps again. You do this to me all the time...that is why I keep coming back!
Luv U
Posted by: Jaime | April 01, 2007 at 10:02 PM