Wilsonworld

39 and holding!

Today was Keith's 39th birthday.
For real.
Next year it will also be his 39th birthday but it will be the second annual 39th.

We woke him up this morning with a deep dish oven baked apple pancake, with whipped cream.
He loves him some apples!

He spent the day trying to recapture his youth...two bike rides, video games and shaving off his mustache..topped of with HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA (even if it was in the afternoon...with two teams we don't like, from a country where they are not really "into" hockey..IT WAS STILL HOCKEY!)

I do believe his mid-life crisis is beginning.....Lord Help us ALL!

We had friends over for dinner and we dined on Flank steak on puffed pastry with grilled asparagus, herbed potatoes and a mixed green salad with Havarti and balsamic vinegrette.

All of this followed by a deep dark chocolate cake.

He may be 39, but he still eats like he is 18!

Happy Birthday to my younger man.....we are the same age for the next three months.

The Fairytale..or how i learned a life lesson from my six year old

Once upon a time there was a young girl who thought that she could change the world. She surrounded herself with friends that felt the same way, and together they thought they could do anything... they were invincible.

But those youngsters grew up, moved on and slowly lost touch with one another as they started out on their "grown-up" lives. They melted away with time, not completely forgotten, but not in the forefront of day to day living.

With the advent of networking sites such as Facebook it is easy now to reconnect with those faces from long ago, and that is how i found myself staring at a younger version of myself...from a time when i thought i could do anything.

When i was younger, I wanted to have DR in front of my name. I wanted to have my own practice and help the children of the world. I wanted to be active in making the world a better place for those that had no voice, or whose voices weren't strong enough to be heard.

As I looked at the photo on Facebook, I wondered if those I had held dear to my heart all those years ago had been able to make their dreams come true.

they had.

Some of them became doctors, lawyers, "movers-and-shakers", politicians, and excelled in all of the areas they had chosen. They were IMPORTANT PEOPLE

And in looking at the pictures, THOSE thoughts came into my head. The 'might-have-beens", "what-if's" and the "what happened to my life and how did i get here from there?"

An out loud discussion with Keith (Yes i know i should have been using my INSIDE my head voice instead of letting my mouth run on faster than my brain) ensued and it was over heard by Bug.

A little while later I was feeling sorry for myself in the red-room when i heard a little knock on the door.
She came in, put her hand on my back and in her quiet little voice that i will never forget said...

You have an important job Mama. You are my Mom.

She turned and left me in the room alone.

How did you get so smart little girl?

I may not be a paid doctor, lawyer, mover or shaker, a musician or a motivational speaker.

But
I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend.
I am a short-order cook, doctor, nurse, plumber, contractor, interior designer, engineer, social director and teacher.

I am shaping the lives of my children.

I am teaching them right from wrong, how to use their voice for things they believe in, and how to make their voices count.

I am teaching them to take the time to watch the sunset, hug trees and smile at the elderly.

I am teaching them, in caring for their aging Papa to treat the elderly with dignity and respect, and that EVERY life has purpose.

That everyone has dreams, and if you are lucky enough to find the right person to share your life with, those dreams can come true, even if the dreams may not be the ones that you had originally imagined. Those dreams are what will help you get through the rough times.

That no matter WHO you are and What you do..you have worth and value. That you can change things if you try.

Isn't it amazing the things we can learn from our kids?

I do have an important job.
I am me.
And it is the best job that i could ever hope to have...

and it has great benefits

My friends in the shiny box.

I want to say thank-you to the friends I have in this shiny box. You reached out to me, either in comments or emails, after my last post.
I had a lot of things going on here in my life, and could feel myself slipping into behaviours that i know were not healthy for me or my family.
But.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I finished working 14 days in a row, and cleared my head.
I put things into perspective...
and I gave notice at my current job.

Yep.
I quit.

But that is ok, because I am starting a new job.
One that pays more, has a set schedule, and will allow me to be at home for Papa and for the kids.
It is with a company that is well established, and has room for advancement.

It is what i needed, on so many levels.

While I never finished my University degree, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that i was suffering from burnout and depression.

I have been doing a lot of reading on caregivers, and the problems they face, both with those they care for and themselves. And the one thing that all of the experts come back to is "taking time out for yourself".

Something that i have never been very good at.

But i am learning.

The kids are excited that I will actually know when i will be home..and i won't have to run out 5-6 times on a day off because something had happened at the store. At my new job...i will not be the boss. For the first time in 10 years, i will not be one of the ones making the decisions.

I want to focus on what is best for me, and my family....and being emotionally healthy is a BIG plus for all concerned.

SO
to recap..
i quit my job...i am taking time for myself.....

And HOCKEY starts next week (HNIC first show of the season is this Saturday)!

Shaping up to be a great Fall!

The darkness begins to creep in
slowly at first, but it builds up speed.
Silence does not exist
noise crowds in around me
not allowing me to hear
anything
anyone

It is cold and dark
and lonely
even 
when surrounded by those who love me

tonic slides down my throat.
It is not the answer
it is not the cure
but it sure works well for the time being.

I am concerned about how well i can take it.
How often I want to take it
How i KNOW it will make me feel better.
How i know that in the long run it will not.

SO i am going without.

But it is an old friend
and it keeps me company
here in the dark

I know the monsters here
they are familiar
but that doesn't make them
any less scary.

Fear
of many things
the noise
the silence
the tonic
the fear itself.

ANd the darkness
continues to flow in
ebbing
like the tide.

My Friend.

I am a lucky person.
I have wonderful friends who have seen me through some very tough times.
They have been there during laughter and tears..and throwing of marshmallows!
But there is one friend...
Who is different than all the rest.

She is the one i can call at 2am, and not have to apologize for calling too late.
She is the one who gives me a kick in the butt when i need it.
We can sit in silence and still be comfortable.
We can sing Kereoke together and never get tired of it.
We can build decks and patios WITHOUT having the men around.
She will be helping me celebrate my 40th in a way i never dreamed of.

But before this happens...

She gets to have a birthday first.
Today is her birthday...and NO she is not Fourty.

She is funny,intelligent,witty,kind,able to throw small objects with amazing accuracy,talented,able to scope out Tim Hortons in the middle of nowhere and able to kick your butt at scrabble..and that is just the beginning.

She is a writer,an editor,a leader,a daughter,a mother,a wife,a sister,an aunt,a cousin,a neighbour,a coach and so much more....but most important to me....she is my friend.

Happy Birthday Shelley!

Go...
Right now and wish her a happy birthday.

I don't always have the answers....

Today, is September 11th.
Today Munch went to school and something happened that upset him greatly.
Or rather something that DIDN'T happen upset him greatly.

He is bothered by the fact that during morning announcements, not a word was said about what day it was.
Nothing mentioned at all.
Not even during the section of announcements that reminds the student to keep certain people in their prayers.

This bothers him.

SO tomorrow, he is going down to the principals office to ask her why nothing was said.
Why they were not asked to keep the victims, their families, and the survivors in their prayers.

He asked me, and i couldn't give him an answer.

I told him that maybe they didn't want to upset any of the students, but i didn't really believe that myself.
I thought that perhaps it was thought that none of the students would be aware of what made this day like no other (only if they lived under a rock...and had no tv, radio or newspaper at their disposal).
Maybe it was a school board thing?

In the end, i had no real answer for him...so he decided to go and ask.
We told him about the tv station in New York, who changed their programming after there was a public outcry about not covering all of the ceremony. The station was only covering the first hour....at first. After the people spoke...it was changed to complete coverage.
We talked about how a voice can be heard.
How if you don't agree with something, or if you think that something might have been overlooked, then use your voice.
Will one little boy going to the principal change the way the school handled this next year?
Possibly not.
But he will know that he spoke out for something that he believed in.
He will know that one of the only ways to be heard is to speak up.

And he knows that his parents will be proud of him for asking questions and doing something.
He already know that we are proud of him.
Cause we told him so.
See we can use our voices too!

Getting there...or How i actually got to cook a meal in my kitchen.

So, after 3 weeks... 13 days as Shelley pointed out...BOY it FEELS sooo much longer...we did the unthinkable.
We ate IN-OUR-KITCHEN!
Not a big deal to some, but since our kitchen has been a little under the weather lately....
You also need to know how much i love to cook. ANYTHING.
I would spend all of my time cooking if i could.
BUT
for the last 3 weeks 13 days there has been no cooking here....the kids were using the toaster in the living room...making coffee was an hour long process...

BUT ALL OF THAT IS DONE.

Last night i cooked.
In my kitchen.
It is not finished yet, but it is done enough that i can cook with fear of anything falling from the ceiling...and the painting is done (no trim work done yet, but walls are finished).

What did i cook...
Pan-fried Pergogies with Pea-meal Bacon....sauteed onions and a whack of sour cream. (yes i can hear my arteries hardening as i type this).
IT WAS GOOD.
VERY GOOD.
Not just because i cooked it...but i cooked it IN MY KITCHEN>
(did i mention that i haven't been able to do that lately?)

The ceiling is not up, the trim work isn't done and i have to finish swapping out the cabinet hardware...as well as the sheet metal we are using as a back splash won't go in for a bit...but it is usable...and this makes me happy!

Here is a before...while taking down the lathe

And the after....There are new light fixtures to go up as well...but sadly i must wait a while for them.
I am pleased with the colour though, and it seems like a whole new space!

Goodbye Summer-oh-seven, it was nice knowing ya!

In September of 1999, we took Munch down to the river for a picnic. It was our way of saying goodbye to summer, and to help him get ready for starting school. Since then, every Labour Day we have headed down to the same spot and got chip wagon fries, sat on the river bank and talked about our summer....like a memorial...What was the best thing about summer, what are you looking forward to this school year...you know..those kinds of things.
It is a tradition that we have continued...

This year, we headed down, armed with our picnic dinner (to be consumed WITH the fries). We pulled up to our spot, and headed over to the chip wagon. It was closed. Apparently they had been really busy and had run out of propane. NO FRIES.

We settled down and ate our picnic...and decided that maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe it is time to change things up a bit.  We took our pictures on the rock, the same rock that we have taken pictures on for the last 9 years...and headed off down Riverside Drive....in search of a chip wagon.

We found one in a new park.
The fries were better.
It was not crowded, and the view was nicer.
It was..different...but it was..right.

Bug and Munch both talked about how they felt about going back to school. She excited, he is not. Bug talked about how she didn't think she would be able to sleep, just like at Christmas....Munch rolled his eyes.
They are both at such different stages...his voice is changing, he is taller than I am now....no longer my little boy...but not yet a man. He is stuck in that limbo spot. I hope today once he is at school his excitement returns...He loves to learn...

Here they are....Bug and Munch on our Rock...saying goodbye to the memories of summer, and hello to all of the new possibilities of Fall.

Mini-me..or how i began to be scared of BUG.

The renovation is....moving along, flying by, happening without issues.. still ongoing. I still have no ceiling, but i have discovered a cubby hole behind my microwave cubby. There are cabinets and bookshelves built into the wall, and the lower cabinets hold kitchen stuff, the microwave sits on the counter and the shelves hold cookbooks and various baking sundries. While i was cleaning out the bottom cupboards, (insulation and plaster REALLY does get everywhere....) i discovered that the back cupboard has no wall. It extends back out over the hallway....and is now what i will refer to as the KBH (kitchen black hole).

Why didn't i ever notice the KBH before? Not really sure....could be that i never got down on my hands and knees and stuck my head way back in that cupboard before....And if truth be told i didn't do it this time either. I am too wide. But Keith is not. He pulled out all sorts of things that had "disappeared" since we moved in...lids, muffin trays, serving trays....and some items that i did not recognize. Mason jars, Metal gadgets, and some sort of 1960's condiment tray..which is going to find a home in the kitchen once we are finished ripping it apart.

Yesterday Bug and i went supply shopping...i have exhausted all of the household cleaning supplies TWICE over...and found myself needing to clean the cupboards...again. While at the local store, we stopped to look at lighting, since the kitchen in its previous form was seriously lacking good lighting. That is when she saw them. MOM....RIGHT THERE.....THAT IS WHAT WE SHOULD PUT IN THE KITCHEN!!!!! Now those of you with children, know the response...THAT'S NICE DEAR, without even looking. But this time i actually looked..and....SHE WAS RIGHT. It was exactly what Keith and i have been talking about....it is what i have seen in my mind when i visualize the kitchen. As i stood there and stared at the lights, Bug was rambling the way she does and i turned to see her pointing to kitchen handles. LOOK MOMMA...THESE WOULD BE PERFECT!

And they are.

She has helped me pick out paint, and today, she asked...YOU KNOW THOSE PRETTY HANDLES I PICKED OUT? WELL WHEN I SAW THEM I ALSO SAW THESE REALLY PRETTY ANIMAL ONES IN THE SAME KIND OF METAL AND I THOUGHT THEY WOULD MATCH IN MY ROOM REALLY WELL....I DON'T WANT TO PAINT, BUT I THOUGHT YOU AND DADDY COULD JUST TAKE OFF THE OLD HANDLES AND PUT ON NEW ONES AND IT WOULD BE REALLY CHEAP TO DO.

We are in so much trouble.
I sure hope the man she marries comes with a home depot card.

I have enquired into the "cute" metal animal handles......thinking that SOMEONE might appreciate them for say..a birthday or something.....
While i was there i saw a cute light fixture that would match in her room........

Yep..like i said...we are in trouble.