I've been hearing voices...

Ok maybe not voices, but one voice for sure.
See, I have this friend.
I feel like i have known her forever, and i guess in a way i have. I heard stories about her long before I met her, since she and Hubby had been friends when they were teens. They parted company along the way, but then we all found each other again.
We have become good friends.
I dare say..the best of friends.
She knows me better I think than i know myself.

This is good because quite often i really have no idea of what i am thinking...and it helps to have that little voice in your head nudging you along.

I have some issues. Self esteem issues, that are really not issues at all, but I think they are and therefore through the power of thought..they well they just are.
The biggest one is that i do not think that i am capable of doing anything.
Now, i know i CAN do lots of things..i am a multi talented girl, but see, there is this ISSUE of not having a piece of paper that tells the rest of the world that i can do things. This paper..in my eyes..changes everything.

Now over the years, the little voice..lets call her...George...has been telling me, little by little that if i really wanted to i could change things. I didn't need that piece of paper, but if that was what really was holding me back, then i should just go and get it. I would laugh, and change the subject...and we would carry on.
A few years ago George went as far as to drive me to the University to get a copy of my transcripts...a sort of gentle push if you like. But that mental block was still there. I did not go back, did not go any farther with the idea. I kept on working at a job i hated, because in my mind that was all i could really do.
See what i was up against?

But then something happened.

I turned 40 and REALLY took a long hard look at my self, the whole time George's voice in my head.
This time when George mentioned school to me, for the first time i think i actually heard her.
And i shot off an email.
Expecting nothing.
Except a funny thing happened while i was waiting for nothing.
I got an email back, and then another, and another.

And so now here I am.
I have an appointment to speak to the Dean, who has already gone over my transcripts and has advised me in my course of action. He was one of my old Prof's back in the days of Higher Learning..and remembers me well.
I am glad he does.
It is going to make going back to school a whole lot easier if i actually know someone there.

So this September, when i am buying my children's back to school stuff, there will be an extra pile of supplies. Stuff for me. To finish what i started.
In a discussion I had with Dean Walsh, we talked about the journey,and i remarked that is  about what you learn on the journey, not necessarily how long it take you to get there.

Thanks to the little voice in my head i actually believe it this time.
So thanks George...and keep talking...It may not seem like i am listening all the time, but i am.
I really am.

Comments

[Angela Klocke]

I'm so giddy! Awesome, awesome, awesome!

We can lean on each other later, right? (((HUGS)))

[Shelley]

I really thought George's name was Estelle, or something equally quirky.

But George will do. And George is a wee bit jealous, but in a good way. Not a "I wish it were me way" more of a "Can I help you write your papers, 'cause that's the FUN part" way.

Go get 'em girl.

[shannon]

Hey mama - thanks for dropping by to wish us well. E managed to hook me up with hospital dial up - yay! We had a gorgeous little girl named Carolina, just under 8 lbs. Looks just like her sister, so sweet, and we're all recovering pretty quickly. I even got to take a shower this am, lol. We'll probably all be back on the farm by tomorrow night...I'll put up all our pics then. :) Hugs, S