Wilsonworld

Not sure what to feel?

The other day, when i wrote about meeting my cousin for the first time, I mentioned my Aunt Ruth, who would be turning 100 this year. Or at least she would have, had she not passed away Monday night.

WALTERS Ruth Lavina - Peacefully, on Monday April 28, 2008 at Extendicare Halton Hills. Ruth (nee Insell), in her 100th year, wife of the late George Walters. Loving mother of Jane Haight and her husband Con of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Paul Walters and his wife Nicole of London and Lynn Carscallen and her husband Jeff of Georgetown. Dear sister of Harriet Watson. Predeceased by her sister Louisa Flacke and brother James Insell. Also loved by her grandchildren Clifford, Gordon, Shellie, Karrie, Andrea and Scott and her 8 great-grandchildren. Special thanks to the staff at Extendicare Halton Hills, Georgetown Hospital and the Waverley Mansion, London.

I have this strange feeling of guilt. I was not close to her, not even as a child...I mentioned in my post how THAT side of the family did not really associate with us. SO much so that in the obit that they put in the paper, my father is not listed. They listed the other siblings...but not my Dad. I have a great feeling of sadness on many levels. I am sad for her children, who will miss her dearly. I am sad that yet another vessel of family history is gone. I am sad for my Father, who in recent years had finally got to be a part of that family..one that he should have been a part of for many years, but for whatever reasons..was not.

But a lot of the guilt is because of what i don't feel. She was my Aunt. Now, I cannot imagine losing my Aunt Hankie, or Aunt Pam....my mother's side of the family. We were together all of the time. Hankie is my Godmother. My mother's family, as I have spoken about before are a very tight knit group, headed up of course by my grandmother Nora. NO ONE DOES ANYTHING WITHOUT HER APPROVAL.

So to lose an family member, and not feel...well...lets be truthful here...a loss? It just doesn't seem right to me.

Of my Grandfather's children there are but two left. My Aunt Harriet and my Father. My Father has only his one sister left. That is all that is left. I hope that when he goes to the funeral, he is met with open arms.

But I have a feeling that that may not happen.
And my heart aches for him because of it.

Rest in Peace Aunt Ruth.

Oh the things she thinks.....

I am right in the middle of my work week, which means of course that i don't really function well, short of sleeping.
On the weekends, when I am working, Bug is most often left to her own devices, as Keith and Munch are using the nice weather to do construction (read destruction) in the back yard.
When i woke up this evening, she shared with me a song that she had written this afternoon, and she has given me permission to share it with you....

SO i give you..Bug's Song. (for my new UCF friends, Bug is 7..and shares her mother's creative soul. I have made no revisions to her song...this is..as she wrote it)

Thought, thought, thought.

Time is good time
is bright and it's time to start the night
So just close your eyes and imaginate the world with no fright!
Because I never thought I could think,
that I could think
whats in your eyes.
Because I never thought
that what you think
is my full imagenation.
Because what you think
Is inside me
In my imaganation.

Bug..April 26/08

circles

Bug this spring will be making her First Communion. It is a really important time in her life, as well as mine..as memories of my own Communion come easily. As do the memories for my own Mother and Grandmother.
This year, the First Communion class had to do six weeks of classes, AND the parents also had to do six weeks of classes.
This weeks parents class was a lecture on Marriage and Annulment. Kind of funny, that on our wedding anniversary we sat through a lecture on annulment.

Yes, it was our 14th Wedding Anniversary on Wednesday, and we spent it, just like we did 14 years ago...at Church. Father Bill gave us a blessing, we received jokes about having learned about Annulment on our special day..and then it was off for home.

Where we sold the children...er..got the children settled in for the night, and then sat and enjoyed a glass of wine. We are such exciting people. How can you stand it?

We talked about "where we were", as a couple, individuals and as a family, and where we want to go in the future. I am blessed that I am able to talk to my best friend everyday...and that for the most part, our goals and dreams flow along the same path. Sure there are some variances, but it is those differences that make life exciting.

There was a woman in our lecture who, in front of 60 pairs of parents, stood up and said..."My husband and I have never fought..and we have been married for 18 years". Keith and i both looked at each other and said (with our eyes of course, since we were in a church) "Really?"

We have a pretty solid marriage. We disagree of course, what couple doesn't? But at the end of the day we still love, honour and respect each other. We still hold hands, and kiss each other as we pass in the hallway (this is guaranteed to make the children run away...although Bug will stand there first and say..AWWWWWW).

We have been married for 14 yrs, but on May 31st will will celebrate our "Friendship Day", the day we started officially dating. 18 years ago he asked me out for dinner, and we have not been apart since.

I cannot think of anyone I would rather spend the years arguing with..and of course making up with.

Happy Anniversary Keith....and as always, the words we said to each other 14 years ago still stand....

"Just as the ring circles eternally so does my love for you continuous and strong...."

The Tooth Fairy gets some help...maybe

Tonight, I gained a while new respect for my mother.
Growing up, i was clumsy, awkward, adventurous and creative. This led to numerous trips to the emergency room. I had more stitches by the time i was eight than can be found in your average clothes closet. My brother, as well had a tendency to require medical attention as well. My mother did not do blood well, although i can only remember one time where as a child i actually saw her react...well kind of faint. It was when i split my leg open and required over 100 stitches. She was ok until they opened up the bandage and she saw my leg bone. That did it for her.

This afternoon, as i was sipping my coffee I heard screaming and was greeted by Munch running into the house...yelling...CALL AN AMBULANCE. Or a CAB. BUG HAD AN ACCIDENT.

Now, in the moments that followed, my mind played through a dozen scenes that could have happened to my daughter, but the sight of her brought me back to reality. AND FAST.

She came running in the door, a sea of red. "MOMMA I AM BLEEDING" she cried as blood covered her EVERYWHERE.
I still did not know where she was bleeding from, but I knew two things. She was walking and crying..and THAT is always a good sign.
I got her cleaned up and Munch filled me in on what had happened.

She was riding her bike home and went to pass him. She got her wheel caught in the side curb of the street and went down. She flew off her bike and landed . ON HER FACE.

Thank goodness she stopped her fall with her teeth.
Her adult teeth.
Her front teeth are snapped, and the two on either side have been pushed back. Upon taking xrays, they do not seem to be broken, although the dentist says we will have to wait and see.

Mouth injuries bleed.
A lot.

She was so brave at the dentist, her only concern was that Dentists are expensive. She was sorry that this was costing money. We explained to her that as far as she and her brother were concerned, there was not a dime we wouldn't pay to keep her safe and healthy. It is what parents do. (thankfully we have dental coverage). We will be returning to the dentist next week once the swelling does down...there really was nothing he could do until the teeth settle and we see what the gums are going to do.

SO Mom....
Thanks for all of the times you could have fainted and didn't. Thanks for all of the ER visits, and countless band-aids that you dispensed. I don't know how you did it.

Sophie from Shinolla

We have reached the end of our little round robin story...sort of.
Parts 31 and 32 have been written and posted, and now we need an ending. Nathan has decided that we can all submit endings and we will decide which ending will be the actual...um...end.

If you haven't read Sophie, you should...it is a neat look at what can happen when 16 different writers come together and make a story, 500 words at a time.

Oh..and Nathan is also already thinking of the next project, so keep watching...I'll post the new idea here when he has shared it, or you can pop on over to his site.

As always, the link on the right side...the one that says Sophie Story..will take you to the post where all of the story links are there in the right order.

One of our little group has done up Sophie's story in PDF form with cover art and everything, so if you would rather read it that way...go and see Sadiq and click on the big red button.

Now I am off to figure out how I want Sophie to end. Not that i really want it to end, but like they say...ALL GOOD THINGS........

Apparently this happens when you feed and water them.

As all of us Canucks are slowly coming out of hibernation, we are all taking part in that time honoured tradition of trying on the summer stuff from last year.....OR as it is known here in Wilsonworld..."The nothing fits me anymore day".

I pulled out 4 HUGE Rubbermaid bins that i had carefully packed up in the fall, full of summer clothes. Keith and i share a bin. The rest belong to the children. I sent Munch upstairs with 12 pairs of shorts. All of which he was able to wear to school last year. They were purchased at the beginning of summer. Apparently that was the only year that they will see, as he can wear none of them now. His legs appeared to have grown over the winter. A LOT.

Bug was looking for a spring/summer dress to wear to Church...and reached for a few of her favourites from last year. UM....NONE of them fit either.

Without finishing all of the "trying", I am willing to guess that 80% of the clothes that i have stored will be boxed up and given to one of the local charities. Some animals hibernate over the winter...Wilsonworld ones apparently double in size. Good bye Tax refund.....i have a feeling that you are going to new clothes..and shoes...and jackets...and dress clothes...

They will stop growing eventually right?
Please?
Anybody?

I know that this is normal, but the other night when we went out to a family function..Munch "borrowed" all of the clothes he wore from Keith. At 12. Not even a teen yet. He wants a suit to wear to Bug's First Communion next month. I told him if he does get one, it won't be until the night before..cause if i buy it now it won't fit him by May 24th. That is how fast he is growing.

And she grew knees. And legs..long ones.

My babies are growing up...I know i should be happy that they are growing, healthy and normal...but a little piece of me is sad.

The piece that wanted to use the tax refund to finish the kitchen ceiling.
Oh well..maybe next year.

They will be done growing then...right?

Present meets the past.

A long time ago, in a world far far away, there was woman.
She married a man who had been married before, whose children where all grown up and were having families of their own.
They had a son.
One son.

The family that came before, grew forward and often was not forgiving to the woman who had fell in love with the man. That meant, that their children never really got to know their Uncle, who of course was the same age as they were, if not younger.

Time passed, as did people, and we find ourselves in the today.

Keith and I, along with his sister and Mother (while she was alive) are all involved in genealogy. To say that it is a hobby is an understatement. It borders on an obsession.

That woman, who fell in love all those years ago..was my Grandmother. My Father's mother. I have spoken of her before..it was she who taught me to love classical music..and introduced me to the joys of reading aloud. Big-Gramma, I used to call her. She married my Grandfather, had my father...and life went on.

Grandfather died in 1976. Big Gramma died in 1990. With them, died any information about the family name.  The children from the first marriage where always...distant to me. I knew them, or some of them. But their children, who would be my generation are so much older than I am. If this helps....My Father's step sister..Ruth..will be 100 yrs old this December. My Father? 65. Her  children are in their 70's. I am 40.

See how we could end up being distant.
Oh..one other thing.
Apparently they did not like my Grandmother very much.

How do i know this?
Because a few months ago. I started talking to one of my cousins.

We found each other on the Internet..he had posted some family information on a genealogy forum. And i wanted to know why there was a part of the family missing. My part to be exact.
Turns out, he is the son of my Father's step sister. And he has not seen my Father since the early 60's.

But that is about to change.
Turns out Jack will be in my part of the country in May. He lives in Florida now with his family.
But in May, he, my Father and I will be meeting for lunch. Where I will get to meet my cousin for the first time. We have exchanged pictures, and his first response was that I looked just like Big Gramma. I have been told this before, but never by someone who did not KNOW us. My response...he is the spiting image of my Grandfather...or should i say our Grandfather.

He is coming armed with old photos....I am bringing Big Gramma's Diaries. I have them all..they offer a glimpse into their lives, and how Grandfather was towards the end. I am hoping that they will let him see her in a different light. See her as the woman she was...the woman who happened to fall in love with our Grandfather all those years ago.

Today would have been her birthday. She would have been 100 years old today.

Sophie Story.

As we are coming to the end of our story, I have pushed the post back to where it should be by date.
I have put a link on the right side..yep over there under "Puttin' it on the page"..you got it..and if you want to catch up or follow the story as it unfolds, that is the place you need to click on. I will continue to update the story additions as we finish our journey with Sophie. Rumor has it we may do another one, so watch for it.

Topsy tervy...or..are you sure it isn't still Feb?

Last Tuesday i spent the day doing yard work, cleaning out flower beds and generally tidying up the front yard. Yesterday, it was snowing as we left for Church.
Currently, I can watch Hockey/Baseball/Soccer/Basketball(although i don't, but I could if i wanted to)/ Golf and Curling.
I have in the last week been known to cry at the drop of a hat, with no real reason.

Is it just me or are we ALL twisted around so we don't know what season/day/time it is?

This morning as the kids were getting ready for school, Bug asked if she should wear a winter coat AND take an umbrella.

I hate this time of year. I like things to be definate. None of this, well I will be spring in the am, winter by noon and we will round out the day with a healthy dose of sunshine to make you think that it may actually be getting warmer outside. Additionally, that is the way I feel inside too. I am prone to a really bad case of February blahs, but I am not used to having them in April. Yesterday, I cried no less than 5 times over what i would normally dismiss with nary a thought.

I spent time at my old place of employment in a volunteer capacity on Saturday night. While it was nice to see old faces, it pained me in a way I couldn't have known would happen. I felt so lost in a place that i had called home for 13 years....the staff all looked so tired and down...that is what happens in an industry that is on its last legs here in this city. To go to work everyday knowing that it might be your last. My heart aches for them.
And then....
HIS parents came in.
and I looked for him.

I looked for HIM.
Knowing full well in my head that he was never going to roll in those doors, but something in my heart had me looking anyways.
It just isn't right for me to be in that building anymore...it hurts too much.

Sunday I had a long heart to heart with my husband.
I am not sure how i got to be so lucky as to have someone as understanding as he is, but he held me as I once again mourned Jeff's passing, and tried to make sense of my jumbled thoughts.
While Keith and I may have our own issues (as do most married couples) i am glad that after 18 years I can still talk to him about what ever is on my mind. We don't judge, we don't blame..we listen..we forgive..and we "are".

After our long talk, I did what makes me feel the best. Three hours of theraputic baking...chocolate cupcakes, vanilla cupcakes, blueberry muffins..and sweet and sour meatballs for supper later that evening. My waist may not be ready for the nice weather, but i sure felt better!

As mentioned, Hockey Playoffs have started, and we are in full force here in Wilsonworld.
Playoff brackets hang in the front hallway, a current schedule with all scores are posted on my office door, and all hockey jerseys are laundered every day. No haircuts for anyone in the house, and those who are able are working on their playoff beards. Hockey every night.

Now THAT makes me feel better.

The end of an era.

On Saturday evening, while I was watching my beloved Montreal Canadiens possibly win the conference, there was another battle being fought, and lost. Charlton Heston, who was one of my all time favourite performers passed away at the age of 84.
I have fond childhood memories of watching him in many of his epic roles. He was one of my Grandmother's favourites as well and so whenever one of them was on the TV we would curl up and watch him, like a couple of star struck teenagers.
While I may not agree with his views on gun control (that is a given) the pure talent that flowed from him while he was on stage is undeniable.

God Speed Mr Heston.
With your passing comes the end of an era for Hollywood.