Wilsonworld

Apparently it is all in my head

I met yesterday with the specialist to find out why i have lost my hearing in my left ear. This has been a problem for a few years now and my own doctor finally said she was done and we needed someone else to step in. After poking me and prodding me and shoving things up my nose...
***have you ever had a nasal scope? I would rather go through Munch's birth again...TENFOLD!******
He has decided that there is nothing wrong with my ears. Or my sinuses. I suppose that is a good thing as it rules out all sorts of bad things that of course cross your mind when you don't have any answers, but the original question still remains...

Why am i losing my hearing?

As it turns out, he thinks it is my jaw. I am an obsessive teeth grinder. All of my dentists can vouch for that, as usually the first thing a new dentist says is.."OH MY...you have...no back teeth...they are just..gone."
It is not unusual for Keith to hear me grinding my teeth when he is on another floor in the house. I have done this since birth, as does my mom.
Anyways, Dr A (i am not even going to TRY to spell his name..to many consonants) assures me that I have wonderful ears and sinus cavities, and that he feels it is the final breakdown of the jaw joint beside my ear that is the problem.
I just need to stop grinding my teeth.
HA!
I have tried for 40 years to stop.
I have tried all of the home remedies, and the mouth guards.
Nothing works.

He has set up yet another hearing test, and i have to go see an orthodontist.

Just what i wanted ...more Doctors.

Stay tuned, cause later this week i get to take "the girls" for yet another meeting with a stranger who will take their pictures, and probably NOT buy us dinner.

Boy, OHIP is really paying off this week.
So far (and it is only Wednesday) this week...

• Chest xrays for Papa
• CAT scan for Papa
• Specialist for me
• Nasal scope
• Doctor's for Munch as his new inhaler does not seem to be working and the bark is back worse than it has ever been

I am really beginning to think that i should have gone into medicine. Lord knows i am spending enough time on it.

So...how is your health?

The big day is over...the cake is all gone...

A pretty white dress, new shoes and a long white veil.
This is what she wore on Saturday as Bug made her First Communion. She said she felt like a princess. I think she looked like an angel.
On her head, she wore a little piece of the women in her life. My mother wore the head piece on her wedding day and when I got married I wore it as well. My Mother in Law (Faith) re-finished it for me on my special day and added in my sister in law's veil, and a piece of material from herself. So Bug on her special day had the power of 4 women in her life wrapped around her to keep her safe. She has said she wants to save it and have her own daughter wear it when she makes her first communion. I think that it is a wonderful way to honour our past.

The ring that you see on her finger was a gift from Auntie Jo. She came over in the morning of the Communion and gave it to Bug. It belonged to Faith, and Jo wanted Bug to feel Nana's love on that day too. Even though she is no longer with us I can still feel her love, stronger than ever, and on Saturday Bug added to her love by honouring her memory with the ring.


My own Grandmother Nora broke down and cried during the ceremony. It seems she had forgotten that Munch is an Altar server. So on top of the emotions of watching her great grand daughter make her Communion, the same way she did 84 years ago, she watched her great grandson attend the service.
Gramma will be 91 this year. She still attends Church almost every day. My children adore her and understand that what she says goes. ALWAYS!

I get my strong Faith because of her. I get my love of family and of the Church from her. I also get my strong Irish temper from her as well....not always a good thing.







Four generations of Feeney women. There is a whole lot of Irish temper in this picture. One of the reasons I wanted this picture taken was because I have a picture of my Gramma Nora at her First Communion with her Grandmother. I am going to hang them together, in an attempt to honour the generations past and present.









Lastly, one of us with Bug on her special day.

After Mass, it was back to the house for lots of food and presents....after all it was a party!

But now like the song says, The big day is over, the cake is all gone....

All that is left is the memories..

and lots of love.

Always there is Love.

Happy Victoria Day!

I would not be Canadian if i did not use the May long weekend to do something around the house. And since Bug is having her First Communion next weekend, the long weekend could not have come at a better time!
We started out on Saturday looking for THE DRESS. Now, I have had my eye on a dress for a while, plain simple but beautiful...perfect for Bug. We went to the shop that I had seen the dress at a few weeks ago, only to find ALL OF THE DRESSES WERE GONE! Serves me right for waiting. I ended up at a store I did not want to go to, but as a last resort...and paid wayyy to much.

BUT..
It is perfect, and fits like it was custom made for her. She twirled and primped while trying it on, and i had a flash-back to the future. Bug, standing in a long white gown, with veil, but this time on her wedding day.
That is all it took for me to agree to pay a small fortune for a dress she will never wear again, although she says she is keeping it for her daughter to wear....we will see.

After getting shoes and the little things that a princess needs, we headed home to start on our plan of attack.
Here is what we finished up this weekend....

• cobblestone walk-way is completed in back yard. Next year we will extend it all the way to the house, but we are pleased with how it turned out. Building it included breaking up the old concrete, and also digging out the several tonnes of concrete that had been buried underneath.
• Picking up ceiling.
• Installing ceiling in the kitchen. Keith put the last piece up, and we just stood there staring. We have not had a ceiling since last August, and it really changes the sound in there. We have opted not to paint it until after Bug's Communion. We don't want the whole house to smell like paint. But it is up.
• Weeded out front and back gardens.
• Bought plants to go into said gardens.
• Actually planted those plants.
• New mulch for front and back.
• Planted Herb garden. I bought the herbs last week, but hadn't found the time to plant them. I was hoping to build a little spot for them in the back, but i fear it will be too shady, so right now they sit on the front porch.
• Mowed and weed-whacked front and back lawn. This is the first time that Munch has done this on his own. My baby is growing up!

On top of all this, I found time to meet my new cousin for the first time. I posted a picture on yesterday's post...He is an interesting gentleman, having done work for the Apollo missions for NASA, and worked in Nuclear Power. He is now semi retired, but seems to be just as busy. I loved hearing stories of him and his Mother (my Aunt) and those of him spending time with my Father as a child.

Busy week ahead, including of course work, a muffin baking marathon, and trying to do the last little things for the party next weekend. 30 people for dinner so i will be busy! AND it is supposed to be warm and sunny all weekend, but i am sure that will change....

How did you spend your long weekend? (if indeed you celebrated one)

I love the INTERNETS!!!!!

**Photo added at the end...

SO, in the ongoing saga of talking to/about dead people (not my novel, but the search for my Father's family) there has been some new activity.
First of all...
TODAY I MEET MY COUSIN!
He and my Father have not seen each other since the early 60's, and I of course have never met him at all. You can bet there will be pictures...and questions and hopefully we can start to piece together some answers.
But in even bigger news....

Someone was doing a search for our family, and came across the entry I posted about my Aunt Ruth. Turns out, it is HIS Aunt Ruth too. He emailed me last night, and i have responded. (If you were that person...CHECK YOUR EMAIL!) The nearest I can figure, without talking to him..is that he is my Father's Great Nephew.

HOW COOL IS THAT???????

I am pretty sure that a lot of this stuff will find its way into my WIP...yes I have started a sequel to "Talking to Dead People". While i of course have not finished editing the first novel, there were stories that needed to get out. They were rattling around in my head, interrupting my every day thoughts. Perhaps "talking" will be more marketable if there is already a second story to go with it? I don't know, but i do know that the urge to continue to write about the O'Donnel Family is strong, and i cannot fight it. I just have to let them write their story...one word at a time.

I think there is a lesson in there somewhere....isn't that what we all have to do?
Let our own stories/life unfurl...one word at a time?

****Here we are at the restaurant this afternoon. From l-r Jack Flaacke (my cousin and Dad's nephew), Bill Insell (my Dad) and me.

Lord Stanley of Wilsonworld

Since Nathan, over at Polybloggimous has welcomed not one but TWO kitties into his home, i thought it would be nice to revisit Lord Stanley.
As a matter of fact, several of the UCF'ers have posted pictures of their furry friends, and they have not had the chance to formally meet Stanley yet...so

Here is Lord Stanley......as taken a few days ago.

Why YES that is my laptop he is using as a pillow....lets zoom out a bit.....

He has an attraction to my desk. When I am trying to
work at it.

He also has an attraction to Keith's desk....he prefers to sleep underneath it..but will settle for on top of it when the need arises.....

This is from when he was still a a kitten...under a year old. This is Keith's old computer, that is how i know when the pic was taken. Stanley would lie above the keyboard and try to catch your fingers as you were trying to type.

I can't find a pic of him on the desk with the new computer...that will take some searching on Keith's iphoto...

But occasionally he will let you love him...he will curl up with you when you are sleeping and help keep your heart warm.

Cause that is what he does best.

Lord Stanley of Wilsonworld.... UCF...introductions are now complete...

The girls meet a stranger..and don't even get a dinner!

Today, i took my "girls" for an outing. They went to have their pictures taken. Today i disrobed in front of a total stranger, and let her fondle the girls. (boy, we will see what kind of hits on the ol' google search meter that brings)

I was at the hospital at 8am, and was met by a lovely little grey haired volunteer, who told me where to put my stuff, and gave me a lovely pink gown to change into. This was this first of several grey haired ladies that i was going to meet this morning. It gave me a reminder that while grey looked lovely on them, it is about time for me to give my own greys a cover-up.

I changed into my little pink gown, and took a seat in the private waiting room. Where i sat with 7 other women. All grey..all older..MUCH older..who looked as me with a somewhat quizicle glances as i took my seat. I was by far, the youngest in the room, by probably 20 years or so. Apparently I had been booked in on seniors day. More than likely it was just the fact that i am now in "the club". The club of middle aged-ness when mammograms are the norm. Once a year over the age of 40. Welcome to the club. I expected some kind of secret ceremony...at least cake....but sadly there was none.

I had brought a book with me and settled in to read it as i waited. But i wasn't really concentrating on the book. I was busy listening to the sounds of the unit. The first thing that struck me was the lack of male-ness in the room. Soft hues of pink, airy colours and softness all around. I listened to the hum coming from the next room, and began to watch the clock.

All seven of the grey haired women were called in before me, one by one. As their names were called and they got up, they looked around the room and gave a little smile. Was it my imagination, or did their gaze linger a little too long at me?

Finally, it was my turn. The very nice technician, who could pass as a high school student was very efficent. She explained what she was going to do, and then told me to disrobe. I made a silly comment about my girls being camera shy, and she responded with a chuckle, and a smile.
She put me at ease, and set about taking her pictures.

For you men, you can skip the next part if you want.
For you women, who have had these done....OUCH!
I am not a small woman. My girls are above average in size, and do not fit properly on the ex-ray surface.
I cannot imagine a small breasted woman having a mammogram done. The manipulation that is involved was to say in a word...painful...at its best point, excruciating at its worst. Combined with the pain and lumps that brought me there in the first place...made it probably one of the worst experiences.

But.
It is done.
My girls have had their first pictures taken...the first of many that are scheduled for this month. Next up this month they  get friendly with an ultrasound tech.

Hope he/she at least buys me dinner first.

Wednesday...it's the new Friday!

Here at Wilsonworld, we don't go by the traditional calendar. Because I am on midnights, and because I work 4 on 4 off on a rotating week, my weekends often fall in the middle of the week. Like they do this week.
It has been a long week for me, filled with worry and doubts. I wondered whether or not to post about the things that trouble me, but i have a child who reads this now and I did not want him to become anxious.
But I have spoken to him, and so, now I can blog without doing him any damage (or anymore damage).

A few months ago, I found a lump.
Now, it was not a big lump, but it was not there before and so it caused me some concern.
But then it went away.
And then came back.
And went away.
and now it is back again. (i am thinking of charging it rent)

But i decided that I was not going to play its game, and so i mentioned it to my doctor. Who examined me, and said..we need to have this checked.
And so i find myself off to have my boobs squished in a mammogram-type of way, followed by ultrasound pictures.

I know that it really is not a big deal. There are lots of reasons for lumps and bumps.
Thousands...I know because I made the mistake of..you know..googling it.
I should know better.
But I did it anyways.
BIG MISTAKE.

If i wasn't feeling anxious before...good ol' Google took care of that for me.

My head of course knows that there isn't anything wrong (knocking on wood..as my tests aren't until tomorrow), but there of course is that little voice...not THIS one....but the one that said...to Faith, my MIL...there are thousand of reason as to why there is a lump there...THAT is not one of them. But in her case, that little voice was wrong as well all know..and after the Breast Cancer, Lung Cancer and Brain Cancer had taken their toll on her, i was forced to realize that sometimes that little voice of reason is wrong...

I am sure that my tests will all come out fine, and I will be laughing and shaking my head over this in a few weeks....but we all know how the little voice can nag at you.

this is one time that i think i am going to ignore my inner voice.

For Dougie

Forgotten sounds
come at me
triggering memories of a time long ago

Youth in its glory
unable, unwilling unaware
of the truths that surround them

A voice
from the past
becomes a voice of the present
The Present
a present

one that we should never take for granted, as we did
all those years ago

The present
as we swim
Downstream.

Whilst given in black and white
your true colours shine through in all your glory

Thanks old friend
for our past
the present
and our future.

kimby
12:09-12:11pm

Wednesday, how I love thee.

This week, Wednesday is my favourite day. It would have been Tuesday, but since I slept away 14 hours of said day, there wasn't much for me to like about it.
Today, I am off for my over-due physical.
I know it is over-due, because my doctor called me to schedule.
Yep, we LUV our family doctor.
While transferring her patient files to her new office she noticed that I have not been in for my check-up. I did not go last year. Now, i have been to the doctors, but it seems like i have only gotten sick on a weekend, or March break, when she has not been open. Yesterday, i stopped by her office, which is now walking distance from our home. The receptionist, Theresa, greeted me warmly and then gave me the once over for not having kept up with my check-ups. Which resulted in me booking one...for today.

There are some health issues that need to be addressed...now that i fall into the "middle-aged" category... that I KNOW need to be addressed. But i have this thing about going to the doctor. I will make sure Papa, Keith, Munch and Bug all see the doc when need be, but for myself...there just never seems to be enough time in the day.

This is wrong.
With a family history of diabetes and cancer... I need to be more diligent in taking care of myself.
I need to get off my ever expanding ass and do something about it.

SO today, i go to the doctors.
Where she will poke and prod and give me all sorts of tests and blood work that i need to have done. We will talk about why i have not done the things i should..and i will take the tongue lashing I deserve.

I cannot take care of everyone else if my own health is not where it should be.

I am thinking that when all is said and done, maybe I will like TUESDAY better.